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Welcome to Funny Quotes Online. We have an incredible collection of over 100,000 amazingly amusing quotations that will make you laugh. We are sure you will find quotations to suit all occasions - to impress a girl, for that important wedding speech or just to learn from past masters of literature. Please take time to look around the website - and enjoy your visit to Funny Quotes Online.

 
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This weeks featured quotations are by Groucho Marx
American comedian actor. (1890 - 1977)


I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived.
-- (Horse Feathers, 1932)


I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it


If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much -- just an occasional sun visor.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.


My favorite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.


 

 
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