This weeks featured quotations are by
American comedian actor. (1890 - 1977)
I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment
when you arrived.
-- (Horse Feathers, 1932)
I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly
like mine: We were both crazy about girls.
Ever since they found out that
Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit
flies like a banana.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
From the moment I picked your book
up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend
If women dressed for men, the stores
wouldn't sell much -- just an occasional sun visor.
No one is completely unhappy at the
failure of his best friend.
Military intelligence is a
contradiction in terms.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've
got it made.
My favorite poem is the one that
starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.
I find television very educating.
Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a
I was married by a judge. I should
have asked for a jury.
Behind every successful man is a
woman, behind her is his wife.